The Case of Santa Slaying in Toronto

KJ Mullins-Toronto:  Somewhere in Toronto there’s a slayer of holiday fun lurking. Across residential streets the victims of this Christmas Slayer are laying deflated on lawns, their holiday cheer vanished. News hound Stephen Weir has been reporting on Facebook throughout December on Santa Snowman Slaying hitting front yards in North Toronto, Leaside and as far as the Beach. Who is responsible for taking out Santa and his Snowman friends in Toronto?

Stephen Weir

Stephen Weir

Toronto Police Constable Victor Kwong said that at this time he was not aware of the inflatable Santa slaying but that he would be on the lookout for reports.

While the Toronto Police may not be on the case Weir has been reporting on the dastardly deeds of the holiday Toronto Grinch who is out to take down Santa and friends this year. Since December Weir has put out alerts on downed inflatable Santas being cut down in their prime in the Big Smoke.

The Slayer of Santa Snowmen appears to be slashing the festive man of the season and taking power packs to make sure that he can’t go back up with a patch job.

Stephen Weir

Stephen Weir

On December 20 Weir reported, “Two mourning reindeer stand vigil over a deflated Santa. Lawn assassin spares penguin. St Clements Avenue in North Toronto. The nightly carnage continues.” Speculating on the crime spree Weir added, “Many of the “dead” Santa Claus have signs of being vandalized. Many of the Santas need blowers to keep them upright. Think someone is stealing the blowers for scrap metal. Others are just costume malfunctions. However, what I have noticed as I take cell snapshots of these fallen Christmas icons, is that no one is touching the blow-up snowmen, the blow-up elves and penguins. So, maybe the vandals are making some sort of Christmas statement.”

Later in the day Weir reported, “There were signs of a struggle. I found a broken candy cane in the street. The blow-up Santa was crumpled on the lawn. His power pack was missing. The crimes against Santa wave has moved south. This dead Santa photographed on Wilberton Rd north east of Avenue and St. Clair in midtown Toronto.”

Just today came a new report from Weir who witnessed decapitated Reindeer on a trip to Yorkdale. “They cut Rudolph’s head off!” Weir was clearly traumatized from his latest discovery but had some hope. “We only have a few more days before whoever is taking out Santa moves on. I do think alcohol could be involved.”

Stephen Weir

Stephen Weir

At this time no witnesses are talking. There is word though that some of those sneaky Elf on the Shelves have been taking notes and sending them on to Jolly Old St Nick who is loading up on extra lumps of coal for some naughty pranksters this year.

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